Make your own free website on



From a Crab's Perspective

by Ann Ulrich Miller

Posted on May 12, 2008 by Web Dreams


Some days are just like that, a struggle to keep your head above the surface... I'm talking about sinking into the depths of depression.

I know a lot of people are feeling this way. How could they not when we live in a society that seems to be deteriorating? When there is hunger, poverty, a failing economy, rising food prices and joblessness?

It's been rainy here the last two days. Weather tends to make me a little depressed at times, especially when it keeps me from being out in the garden or the woods, places where I feel close to nature, which is the biggest boost to lifting me out of the doldrums.

In an effort to keep my head above water, I plunge into tasks that need doing. There's always house work, but that's not very exciting. I just spent the last couple of hours working on my Web site, inserting old published clips from newspapers of long ago. It threw me back into the past, and I don't know if that is good or bad. I can smile at the fond memories I have, but then I can mourn because those wonderful times are gone and I can't go back to them.

I have to fight depression on a daily basis, and I'm usually pretty good at it. But sooner or later I get dangerously close to sinking. I find myself playing the "If Only" Game:

1) If only I had a job to go to, where I could actually earn a paycheck every week...

2) If only I could make plans for my future...

3) If only I had friends I could spend some time with...

But in each instance, I've made choices that have led me exactly where I am today.

Number One: I can't have a job outside my home right now, because my husband needs me to be his full-time caregiver. There's no need for a paycheck because my immediate needs are met through him.

Number Two: Forget about making plans for any kind of future. Nothing's going to change with me until it changes with him. And I don't even want to talk about that possibility, knowing well enough that the time will
come soon enough.

Number Three: It was my choice to go into seclusion here in the woods. I wanted this time for myself, to write and live with nature. There's no one around I truly want for a friend, and it's okay because one day I will return to a more social lifestyle and then I can interact with real people again.

When I get to feeling a little sorry for myself, like I am today... I quickly remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. Once I start counting my blessings, there's no possibility of sinking beneath that crippling surface of self-pity

My Blessings
1. On Mother's Day (yesterday) I heard from two of my sons, and the third had sent me a beautiful card.

2. On Mother's Day (yesterday) my dear husband insisted he take me out for dinner, even though it was a hardship for him.

3. I live in a really nice, roomy, elegant house.

4. It's quiet and beautiful and peaceful here.

5. I love my husband and he appreciates me being here with him.

6. I have so much LESS stress than I used to have.

7. I am virtually debt free. Not many people can claim that in this day and age.

8. In just a couple of months I'm going to be a grandmother for the very first time.

9. There is a future for me after I am done here in Ohio.

10. I still have lots of wonderful stories to write.

There. I feel a lot better already!

See All Blog Titles

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT my new column at the Denver Examiner, where you can find articles on Relationship Transition.

To place your order for Ann's new book, THROUGHOUT ALL TIME, click here.

E-mail Ann to leave a comment.




Design downloaded from Free website templates, layouts, and tools.