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From a Crab's Perspective

Blog
by Ann Ulrich Miller

Posted on May 12, 2008 by Web Dreams

STRUGGLING TO STAY ABOVE WATER

Some days are just like that, a struggle to keep your head above the surface... I'm talking about sinking into the depths of depression.

I know a lot of people are feeling this way. How could they not when we live in a society that seems to be deteriorating? When there is hunger, poverty, a failing economy, rising food prices and joblessness?

It's been rainy here the last two days. Weather tends to make me a little depressed at times, especially when it keeps me from being out in the garden or the woods, places where I feel close to nature, which is the biggest boost to lifting me out of the doldrums.

In an effort to keep my head above water, I plunge into tasks that need doing. There's always house work, but that's not very exciting. I just spent the last couple of hours working on my Web site, inserting old published clips from newspapers of long ago. It threw me back into the past, and I don't know if that is good or bad. I can smile at the fond memories I have, but then I can mourn because those wonderful times are gone and I can't go back to them.

I have to fight depression on a daily basis, and I'm usually pretty good at it. But sooner or later I get dangerously close to sinking. I find myself playing the "If Only" Game:

1) If only I had a job to go to, where I could actually earn a paycheck every week...

2) If only I could make plans for my future...

3) If only I had friends I could spend some time with...

But in each instance, I've made choices that have led me exactly where I am today.

Number One: I can't have a job outside my home right now, because my husband needs me to be his full-time caregiver. There's no need for a paycheck because my immediate needs are met through him.

Number Two: Forget about making plans for any kind of future. Nothing's going to change with me until it changes with him. And I don't even want to talk about that possibility, knowing well enough that the time will
come soon enough.

Number Three: It was my choice to go into seclusion here in the woods. I wanted this time for myself, to write and live with nature. There's no one around I truly want for a friend, and it's okay because one day I will return to a more social lifestyle and then I can interact with real people again.

When I get to feeling a little sorry for myself, like I am today... I quickly remind myself of all I have to be thankful for. Once I start counting my blessings, there's no possibility of sinking beneath that crippling surface of self-pity

My Blessings
1. On Mother's Day (yesterday) I heard from two of my sons, and the third had sent me a beautiful card.

2. On Mother's Day (yesterday) my dear husband insisted he take me out for dinner, even though it was a hardship for him.

3. I live in a really nice, roomy, elegant house.

4. It's quiet and beautiful and peaceful here.

5. I love my husband and he appreciates me being here with him.

6. I have so much LESS stress than I used to have.

7. I am virtually debt free. Not many people can claim that in this day and age.

8. In just a couple of months I'm going to be a grandmother for the very first time.

9. There is a future for me after I am done here in Ohio.

10. I still have lots of wonderful stories to write.

There. I feel a lot better already!


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